Official

Oh man. So it's been so long I can't even remember posting my last post. A lot has happened between now and then and really I think that I'm still unbelieveably distressed. So he's gone, or maybe that's because I decided to leave. And yeah I thought I was the best, number one. But oh how he replayed every moment I begged to forget. Not a love triangle because there's never anything left to love. And I lost myself and how it disgusts me. To see him happy is good. To see me smile is worst.

Fearing the future seems inevitable. To me it's reality. To walk by him is ridiculous. To forgive him is unforgiveable. To love him was fate. But to forget him is time.

You know Heather Headley puts it all together in her track "In my mind" and so I think I definately will experiment this time. She says "if you love something you've got to let it go. And if it comes back then it means so much more. But if it doesnt at least you will know, that it was something you had to go through to grow." Right now, he taught me everything I know. And it disgusts me how he's changed me. Fact of the matter is, it's life. You win some, you lose many in my opinion. I think that my problem is I always wonder...I ponder the same thought but I never muster enough courage to know the answers. So maybe if I told him the truth, would destiny keep us together? And maybe if I showed him a change would he leave for me?

10, 200 hours later : What if...Why not...How?