Evolution

One day, you'll find someone worth walking on.

Great start to 2011, well maybe with a bit of irony. We all do it, make those new years resolution, keeps some, break some and then there are those that we follow ever so often.

New Years Resolutions 2011:

1. stop drinking beer
2. focus all of my energy and attention to school
3. only socialize/go out once a month
4. let go of something(s) or someone(s) from my past

In a week I've broken 3 of these resolution. By the end of January I'll have nothing to balance off of.

It's the sweetest sin when someone you truly care about but need to walk away from wisps you right back into their life for a second of companionship. Make an offer and you'll get a deal but this weekend I found out that the deal was more or less of a scam. Besides my "i told you so mentality" friends I had to deal with a live interaction with the one person I said I'd walk away from this year. The one person I'd reject and ignore and disown forever. The one person that did things to do them and took them back when he had regrets. He was the one.

A million miles later him + 5 arrive at my door and I was in for the biggest surprise of my life. No kindness, just humilation. And to believe I went out of my way to get him the best for his birthday. No hard feelings though, the cake tasted better without his poisonous touch attacking it first. After a while of nothing he just up and left, and walk right through the door. Why come here? Why ask? What are your attentions? Cause right about now I'd like to know why I always have to be the topic of advantage. Following the most unsuccessful dorm party (thanks to a bitching/lying/jealous don) he insisted on returning to see my friends, just not me. And again, back he goes into the life of someone else. Plan Executed.

Kicking and pleading can't save your soul from the devil. You can yell and shout but anger doesnt calm the weak heart. And most of all, as much as you can be truthful to someone remember there is always a lie in between; and that's the hardest thing to see.

I can finally say we're through. There is no significant relationship between me and him. No evidence to be found and no alibi to support mine. Only me versus him, and he has always been in power. The embarassment of last night having to reveal all that I thought and hearing nothing that I knew. He was ashamed but couldnt say it. Underneath it all I will never look at someone like him again.

Time and time again the best advice comes from those who have no way of judging. Last night it came from the temptation. Taking advantage of my alone time I got deeper and deeper into the truth, no longer blaming him but blaming myself. Believe it or not, I was the charity case and he threw all love away then passed it to someone new. To imagine, he never breath my name, never spoke of me for all of those years. All I am is nothing.

Some take revenge. It could have been the sweetest kind last night, which is typically expected of me. But I held my position and turned a blind eye to the physical attraction laying beside me.

Regrets: believing the lies. "we only say those things to be nice"

Thoughts: letting go of someone only becomes a difficult task when you have lost your confidence. when you lose that, you lose a major part of your life.

Comments: love is something that people signify through committment. not through lust or sexual encounters, that's infatuation. when you love someone (or at least think you do) let them know and if they walk away from you then walk right past them. when you hurt someone, be sincere and earn forgiveness because lies create regret. never say things to please anyone and most of all never let anyone make you change yourself in order for them to earn security. they're only using you.