One Night In October

3:15 am, Sunday Night. Yes, I have lectures starting from 9:30 am which leaves me with little or no sleep unless I get you off my mind officially.

Now it has been said because that if you love something you've got to let it go. And if it comes back then it means so much more. But if it doesn't at least you will know, that it was something you had to go through to grow.



I think I've grown alot. So tell me why you haven't come back yet? Tell me why time has pasted us by and still it is you versus me. Me versus them. No us. I refuse to be the one to intiate the start all over again, but all I wanted was to be friends. This is the difficulty found in people like me (a rare case).

The advice giver is begging for advice. Is it true love or obsession? Annoyance or attachment? First or last? It is really how things have always been. Betrayal is never forgiven is it? Letting go never becomes easy until you have truly LET GO. But me, I seem to dwell on the past occasionally.

I can't help the feelings when I remember the past. So long ago when I was lied to and led on for nothing. Companionship and sexual favour is what I tell myself, though he attempts to convince me that there was more than lust in those eyes. Yet, he cannot sincerely ask me how life has panned out. Yet, he cannot text me in front of anyone but only behind close doors with eyes shut. Yet, he allows me to go unnoticed for everything I have done. For everything I have not done...

So as I lay awake tonight I know I will wish for things to change. I know I will plan to let go of you once again. I know I will shed a tear because I am helpless, fearful and dependent. But listen here, I do this for me. Why? Because I need to help myself before I can help someone else. And as much as I can read people and predict everything that crosses your path, I'd like to wake up each morning knowing that I am me again, and not that thing you turned me into so many months ago.

two years two months and tweleve days ago.